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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

WTF is happening to all the Squirrels???

As many know I am not a huge fan of the squirrels in our neighborhood. Crazy Grandma (that's the lady that helps take care of the kids and lives 2 houses down) feed the fuckers and they think people and all animals are A OK so, I when walking the dogs have begun to think of the squirrels as this.
When in all actuality they are more like this
That's right crazy grandma feeds the fucking squirrels so  much they are FAT as shit and yes the squirrels in our neighborhood are indeed THAT fat. They can barely run. And I swear to god they wheeze. We mostly call them all Theodore, from the Chipmunks cause they are all fat. But when you have 3 labs this is NOT fun, because they want to chase said squirrels and make "friends" which means breaking their necks. Because making friends involves pouncing on them. And although The Theodore's probably weigh a hefty 3-4lb. they do not compare to the 80-100lb. dogs. And they do TAUNT the shit out of the dogs so I do indeed hate them. I am still waiting on the fridge stealing. 

But as many of you know my oldest is a HUGE animal lover and NEVER wants any animal lover, and never wants to see any animal hurt. So when Belle the Yellow Lab wanted to make friends with one of the smaller squirrels and killed it on ACCIDENT it too Monkey a little while to forgive her. So walking dogs with these squirrels who are to dumb to realize that dogs are bad for your health and people can be too is difficult to say the least. Thanks Crazy Grandma!

But something really odd has been happening the last few weeks, the squirrels have been dying for no apparent reason. We have just been finding them dead or dying all over the place. And it's a bit disturbing. Because I am not sure if someone is poisoning them, or they are dying of natural causes? And these are the babies. They are the HUGE ass Theodore Squirrels who honestly I would say are just having heart attacks. In the last 2 weeks we have found 4 dead squirrels in the yard or on the side walk and 4 dying squirrels, they don't look like they have been attacked by anything, they just look like they are suffering. So I am thinking poison but I really don't know enough. But it scares me for the dogs. Not that they are ever off leash to go find the poison. But what if it is natural causes what if there is some disease, should I be scared for the kids? Should I be scared for the dogs? Who do I even contact to come get these squirrels to do little autopsy's on them? 

And needless to say it has been hell around here because Monkey and Bumble Bee are taking the squirrel deaths VERY hard. Especially they ones that are suffering before they die. I have to send the husband out to kill them. Which I of course can't tell the girls. But I can't let them suffer cause that hurts me. I HATE seeing animals suffer. But god they would NEVER forgive their father if they knew he went out and mercy killed the squirrels. And then the girls want to bury them. Well I honestly don't want to go near them because I really don't know what is wrong with them. If they have a disease, I don't want to expose the children to anything. And if it's poison I'd like to find out who in our neighborhood is so cruel. While I hate the fucking squirrels when they taunt the dogs. I don't want them dead. I would just like them to play somewhere else when the dogs are out for a walk. I guess I need to call the city and find out what to do about having them come collect the squirrel we found last night that was dying and have them come get it and do a little autopsy so we know whether it's a disease or poisoning. So I know who to protect most the dogs, or the kids and the dogs. I swear the weirdest shit happens in my neighborhood. 


  1. Dang. At least your husband is willing to do the mercy killing.
    Is Crazy Grandma their actual grandma? Your mom or his? Your situation sounds about as odd as ours! We live on a compound. (That's just what I call it, we aren't wackadoos.) 50 acres, 3 houses. Ours, my mother and father in law's, and my brother in law's. They're a close knit family.

  2. I know I am SO thankful he will do the mercy killing I NEVER could.
    No Crazy Grandma is just a lady a little older than my mom that spoils the kids rotten that lives 2 houses away who happens to be a little off her rocker but she is so good to the kids but they started calling her Crazy Grandma and it stuck LOL.
    No come next year when we move to Michigan we will be loving on a compound his Parents own 75 acres they are giving us 15 to build on, his sister lives on the compound as does his brother. His other sister lives maybe 10 minutes away. And of course my mother is moving with us so we will be one CRAZY huge ass compoundy family. Ha Ha.

  3. Haha! My mom and dad have both expressed the desire to join compound, but that is usually met by heart pounding panic on my part. I love them, but I'm not cut out for compound living with MY family. :) With his, well, I can't think of a more loving, safe environment for G to grow up in.

  4. I'm starting to feel like a messed up squirrel